Sunday, March 17, 2013

Apology to the Maligned

It must have been cold there in my shadow . . . oh wait.  Let's try this again.

For years, I have referred to you as "lazy".  How else do you refer to something that seems to be slacking off, not doing what it is required to do, not even phoning it in?  It's like you quit.  Took an early retirement to go sit on your butt (do you even have a butt??) and soak in the sun.

But you didn't choose to be an underachiever.  You didn't write a paper in grade school about wanting to be a "free loader" when you grow up.  You aren't simply in a state of willful disobedience; stubbornly sitting in time out, waiting to cause more trouble once your 5 minutes is up.  You wanted to be a productive member of the body at large.

You were abused, by the ones you trusted to protect you.  They ganged up on you and attacked with a vengeance.  They saw you as a threat and they were just doing what they thought was right. But their malicious attack was unfounded. 

If there was something I could've done to save you I would have.

But, in all honesty, I never knew how much you did for me until you were gone.  Nobody says "I didn't have the Pancreas to tell you the bad news". Nobody ever sang, "If I Only Had a Pancreas". I had no idea that everyone would miss you so much, or the extent to which every system relies so heavily on you functioning properly.  Without your contribution my heart races, eyes fog, I lose the feeling that I once had, my brain gets cloudy and confused, my mouth gets dry, my words don't come out right - there is chaos without your contribution.

I am sorry that I didn't appreciate the time we had together.  I am doing my best to fill in for you, but the fact is, your never-ending-balancing-act-of-a-job seems so complicated to me - and there is never a vacation.

The entire company relied on your production - and though it wasn't your fault, you were the first to blame, when everything went wrong.

I guess I just forgot that sometimes we don't perform at our best, not because we are lazy, but because we have been wounded.


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